|
THE CLASSIC SBD Also known in the south as a "fizzler", this world reknowned fart has no sound, but the stench makes one appreciate the odors of a public toilet. Some say that this fart actually passes through the turd, giving it it's destinctive and horrendously rancid odor. STENCH FACTOR:  THE POWER FART A fart that escapes with the power of an H-Bomb, blowing a sizeable hole in your undies and filling the room with your natural gasses. In extreme cases, like an hour after enjoying an all-you-can-eat Mexican burrito buffet, this fart is said to be capable of blowing the intestines clean out of the body! Of course, that's only an urban legend, right? STENCH FACTOR: THE LETHAL FLAPPER A horrendous fart that makes your ass cheeks flap together faster and harder than a helicopter's blade spins. Known for its pain factor and ability to sometimes draw blood, the Lethal Flapper is the scourge of the fart kingdom. STENCH FACTOR: THE SOUPY SHITTER Perhaps the most disgusting of all the farts known to man, the Soupy Shitter feels like a fart coming on, and then BLAM!!! You discover that you have the desperate need for clean underwear and Immodium AD. STENCH FACTOR: THE BOOGIE BLOCK Feels like a child's building block dancing its way out of your asshole. Hurts like hell, with the pain lingering for a good minute or so afterwards. STENCH FACTOR: THE FIRESTONE FANNY Everything seems to be going perfectly. Your blind date is terrific, and it looks like you're going to score... That is, until your ass suddenly blows a tire squealer. Then, everything goes to shit. STENCH FACTOR: HELLO? Sometimes, your ass is just in a talkative mood. So, it belches out certian audible phrases, such as "Hello", and "My name is Bob". This variety of fart would actually be awesome if your ass didn't have mucho morning breath. STENCH FACTOR: THE GRANNY FART Whuh buh buh buh bup. STENCH FACTOR: (Higher ranking if Granny had prunes for breakfast)THE PIPSQUEEK The common girl fart, the Pipsqueek squeaks out and smells like a fresh burst of potpourri. Men are not immune to this one though... While it sounds basically the same while being released by a guy (although noticably deeper sounds emit), the smell can melt the hairs on not only his ass, but the hairs on the asses of anyone within a five mile radius. STENCH FACTOR: For chicks, nothing. For dudes: THE SISTER FART Sisters are hardly female when they're around the house. Instead of the relatively polite Pipsqueek, they can rip any of the stinkers on this page and some that haven't even been documented yet. Beware of the Sister Fart... They can be twice as deadly as normal. STENCH FACTOR: Varies, but always smelly WHISTLER'S PRIDE When your ass start to whistle, you've become the victim of the Whistler's Pride. A close relative of the Pipsqueek, and not very stinky, this fart actually helps those with a bad case of hemmoroids by pushing out a blast of soothing cool air as it whistles it's way into your heart. One of the only non-violent, non-destructive farts that has ever been ripped. STENCH FACTOR: WHISTLER'S REVENGE The evil twin brother of Whistler's Pride, Whistler's Revenge spits out some death metal tunes as it rips and claws its way through your intestines and out your anus. Painful, and GAWD, the stench!!! STENCH FACTOR: GREASED LIGHTNING A fart that shoots out at the speed of light, almost always accompanied by some sort of naturally occuring butt juice. Nasty, with the possibility of staining your underwear. Not as bad as the Soupy Shitter, however. STENCH FACTOR: THE PARTY POPPER One short, loud pop. Usually doesn't stink that bad. Sometimes multiple pops are heard, making it a Black Cat Battle Bomb. STENCH FACTOR: AFTERMATH OF THE APOCALYPSE That one little fart that comes shortly after the shattering ripper you freed earlier. Stinks just as bad. STENCH FACTOR: Varies according on what it follows THE CHEVETTE Sounds like a small car that refuses to crank, complete with exhaust fumes that can kill small animals and children. STENCH FACTOR: CANNON KABLOOEY! A much more powerful version of the Party Popper, but only one boom is heard before your ass reloads. STENCH FACTOR: THE TNT DISASTER BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! STENCH FACTOR: Defcon 5 |
Remember these simple tips as you and your friends fart, and happy identifying! FARTING RELATED LINKS You know what's really scary? That there's so many damned fart sites on the internet. Who knew? MATE IN A STATE: FARTING Featuring video clips of a guy lighting his fart to a disasterous effect, and what a bunghole actually looks like when it farts. Very educational! FACTS ON FARTS Speaking of educational, this site tells us all about farts, from where they come from and what they're made of to why they stink and shedding light on the use of farts as weapons by reptiles. Consider this the net's best "Fart FAQ". CREATE-A-FART One of the only places where you can create an embarassingly long, cheesy flapper without eating all the beans. FARTY PANTS Home of the fart filter... Cron needs one of these. UNDER-EASE (for flatulence) Nah, forget Farty Pants. Cron needs the real thing. BARKING SPIDER So THAT'S where they come from... And all this time we thought it was gas. Whew! Takes a load off, you know? Wait... A GUIDE TO THE IDENTIFICATION AND CLASSIFICATION OF NORTH AMERICAN FARTS Another fart guide, not as good as ours in our opinion. (Of course we're going to think that.) SLIM SPINCTER Add Christmas to farting and you've got yerself one hell of a holiday right there buddy, YEAH!!! PULL MY FINGER Okay, so it's just a commercial website about a sound effect CD. But it still has farts on it, and that's what's important. Right? BURPS AND FARTS What's better than burping and farting? Burping and farting along to archives of other people burping and farting! Oh joy!!! MR. POOKY'S GAS PAGE I tell ya, that Mr. Pooky is one gassy dude. There's farts and belches all over his site. Rather nasty, actually... GASSPASSERS.COM A very interesting site... You make your own fart or belch here as well, but you choose the food that causes it. Hmm... We'll have to play around a while with this one. TERRANCE AND PHILLIP'S BOOK OF MORMON STORIES What do you get when you mix the Kings of Farts with the Book of Mormon? Hold on, let us look at this site for a minute... Um, you get a serious look at the Book of Mormon with goofy pics of Terrance and Phillip in costume and stuff. Animated. Okay, whatever. (We thought it was gonna' be funny...) THE FART FARM Lots of nice fart sounds on here, and it looks really crappy! (Good for a fart site, bad for a flower shop.) Check it out for an audible good time. MR. METHANE Mr. Methane bills himself as the world's only performing flatulist. He's like a flatulence superhero!!! |
